This is my world.-Charis

every morning, when i wake up, i wake up to the sound of my own alarm clock, the hum of the aircon, the sound of the hot water showers and nothing else. i boil my own hot water from the coffee, pour the fresh milk i store from the fridge downstairs on the cereal i bought over the weekend. i wake up at 6am, an impossible feat for me had i woken up at home, in iloilo, where i have my mom bang the door of my own room to wake me up, barely on time to get to work at 830 in the morning…

every morning, i pass by gil puyat, ayala avenue, chino roces, and all the other street names that both sound foreign but important to me. every morning, i see skyscrapers, which do not exist in iloilo, and the unending traffic, which is only existent in iloilo at 5-7pm during workdays.

every morning, i edge my way through the multitudes rushing for the next Ayala Leveriza bus just to get on the bus, and if i’m lucky or early enough (or if some guy revives the dead art of chivalry), i get a seat for the next thirty minutes.

every morning, i use the stairs and the escalators of the underpass, and hopefully walk fast enough to get to the office on time…(actually, i do get to the office on time or else i’ll pay P100 or more, which is crucial to my existence, with everything being so expensive here.)

every morning, i go through this temporarty routine and am reminded that being here, living here, working here (and thriving here, i must say) in makati is for me, a privilege: a God-given, originating supernaturally, with all the conditions i would consider optimal to my adjustment present.

i start out with a vacation plan to release my pent-up stress from college, review, and my previous job, and end up with a job with a company i most admire and wish to become part of. wow. God is truly great.

sometimes, the things i want to do are the things i was really called to do. and these things that i want to do command a far higher price than what i had expected to pay, because these are the things that i am called to do.

-borne out of a mind seeking to see the bigger picture of my current state.

the oasis: graduation

My junior and senior years in college felt like a bone-dry desert: occassional church presentations, zero week-long spiritual feeding (read: number of IVCF camps attended-zero), rare long talks with KC mates (Wench, Kuya Frank, Ate Ida, Kuya Mayk, Nong Gedi and Nong Jai lang) and IV staff (Ate Ging, Ate Mutya and Ate Chiri lang din) and the almost over-powering sense of urgency to immerse myself in school work and nothing else…hence, the desert.

I was on “urgent call” by the chairperson of the Accountancy Department, Assoc. Prof. Baldevarona, one morning. Getting inside the office, she told me to apply for the Alton Bigelow Memorial Award. Being a true blue Centralian (by blood and consanguinity; hehe) myself, I knew the prestige of this award on campus. Reluctantly, I applied, knowing that one of my classmates had been planning to apply for the same award years ago. As sure as I was ( basing on my grades from first year to 1st semester of SY 07-08, I was 55% sure) that I could graduate cum laude, I felt that graduating with honors was a very welcome blessing for me. When I was in my first year, I never expected to graduate with the degree of BS Accountancy, given the strict and strenuous retention policies of CPU’s Accountancy Department, much more graduate with honors!

I had quite a challenging time managing my time during those last few weeks of school. I had a six-day school week to attend (with a whole Saturday dedicated to Accountancy board exam subjects), a feasibility study to finish, a mini-movie to complete (this was part of our Humanities project in which I had to play the part of a fairy godmother…grr…), a case study to brainstorm about and then defend, and to top that all, I needed to search-and-rescue certificates of activities I had attended (which I wasn’t careful to keep) and signatures to collect as proof of my participation in extra-curricular and church activities to complete my application for the Alton Bigelow Memorial Award.

God’s grace is indeed so sufficient, because He provided my father with means to buy me a brand-new laptop, which I used to complete my Alton Bigelow Memorial Award application, my group case study and feasibility study. And to add to that, I knew His hand was working with me in my application because I found my two hard-to-reach teachers talking with each other in the New Valentine Corridor on the exact day I had allotted to collect the needed signatures. This was very meaningful to me because I had only allotted one day to collect signatures because I was working on a very tight schedule. And, my father had come home for his vacation to help me and mother do everything that I had to get done.

My heart was not fully in it however, because I felt that a Christian should not be lauded publicly for “displaying” excellence in academics, in extra-curricular activities and in church involvement, because didn’t God command us “whether we eat or drink, do it all for the glory of God?” But as I received news from reliable sources that I got the award, I knew with my heart that God intended it for me because I had a purpose to accomplish in receiving the award: I was given the task of delivering a response in behalf of the graduates during the Baccalaureate Service, and I was to glorify only the Lord through it, and not myself.

The Lord pieced together my thoughts in such a way that I felt that whatever He wanted me to say, I had stated in my speech. (I had published my speech in a previous blog entry.)

Graduating cum laude with a degree in BS Accountancy was one of the final phases of the completion of God’s plan for my tertiary education. We struck a deal once, that I would take up Accountancy and do my best in my studies of He willed that I get across the retention policies without failing a qualifying exam or repeating any board-related subject which had cutoff grades.

By: Charis Emmelynn Madera Bautista, BS Accountancy 4

I have spoken in behalf of a college, a class, a family and myself, but never for a batch of around 2000 minds harnessed by various courses for diverse fields or future professions. And if the Alton Bigelow Memorial Award is given to a graduating student who best embodies the ideals of the Christian faith that Central Philippine University professes, I believe with all my heart, that it is not I alone who gained it, but it is the grace of God granted to me as an unmerited gift which I must use to glorify His and only His name alone, and not mine.

I humbly speak in behalf of this graduating batch: our sheer joy of having finished four or more grueling years in training for our future professions is somewhat dampened by the hopelessness of the chaotic society we were born to and live in. What is there in store for us after student life, when the cold hard realities of life fall smack on our faces and the four walls and corners of the classroom expand into the horizon of the “real” world? In a world which swings between lawlessness and legalism, apathy and radicalism, uncertainty and misplaced confidence, I know there is One who never wavers, remains steadfast and ever faithful until the very end. His name is Jesus Christ, the Son of the Living God who has the words of eternal life, in whom we can experience the fullness of life, in and beyond this earthly life. Truth, which Pontius Pilate assumed to be a thing but is not, is the person of Jesus Christ.

I have seen His face in some of the faces I have come across in this University. I have heard His voice in the voices of those who instruct in the halls of the academe. I have experienced Him and felt His hand in the joys, sorrows, victories and trials that I had faced. And I urge you, fellow graduates, to take up the challenge with me, to follow and to place our lives and our whole being on the One who has the words of eternal life. And to do this, the call to live our lives excellently follows, which we cannot answer without heavenly wisdom. This real wisdom cannot be found in the pages of our notebooks or books, for even the foolishness of God is far wiser than the wisest of man-made wisdom. This real wisdom begins with the fear of the Lord, for all those who follow the Lord’s instruction have the better and wiser understanding.

And when we have lived our lives excellently, we reap the fruits of our labor, which the Lord has given to us to enjoy. These successes that we enjoy, fellow graduates, are gifts from the Heavenly Father which we all must use to glorify His and only His name alone. Trophies, medals, ribbons, plaques, and titles that we treasure will be broken, stolen, taken or fade away, but there is one kind of success which will not pass away: it is the kind of success which comes when each of us listens and obeys Jesus’ calling to follow Him. This is the kind of success which makes heaven beam in pride, and the Father spread his hands to applaud you, with a resounding “Well done, my good and faithful servant!”

As we exit the portals of this university, let us never forget the academic lessons and most importantly, the spiritual truths impressed upon us during our student lives in this institution. Let us put to practice what we have learned in pen and paper.

Let us cover our ears to the seductive whisper of corruption, blind our eyes to the lure of mediocrity, unfold our hands from apathy and bare our hearts to search for the truth for as we are sent out from this university, we become the human face of our alma mater, and the ears, eyes, hands and heart of our God to a blind, deaf, unfeeling and cold world.

I remember a recent CEW convocation where the speaker was questioning the effectiveness of our Christ Emphasis Week program by asking why the Philippines does not rise up from her pathetic state, even when thousands of students who have accepted Jesus Christ as their personal Lord and Savior, are sent out as professionals occupying positions crucial to helping stop corruption. I reflected over this shocking query, and realized that the seed, the Word of God, which was sown in this very auditorium, probably landed on rocky or thorny kind of soil. When corruption seems rampant, when apathy takes the upper hand and mediocrity prevails in a seemingly bleak society, it is because good men do nothing. But I believe that the Word of the Lord will not return void and it can and will accomplish what the Lord so desires and achieve the purpose for which He had sent it, and praise be to God, because there are still those who hear, believe, act on what they have heard, and accept Jesus to be the Absolute Ruler of their lives, the Master of their souls and the Captain of their destinies.

I urge you, my fellow graduates; let us hold fast to our Alma Mater’s motto: science and faith, the seeming paradox of the secular world, where science fails to believe the invisible and where faith does otherwise. Scientia stands for our lifetime pursuit of excellence in our profession, and fides stands for our lifetime commitment to following the Lord Jesus Christ.

The university has been a battle field, where the most intelligent yet dangerous minds are being trained, and where good and evil wish to establish their footholds in the minds of us who are the next generation. In a world where the truth is so often distorted and concealed, and each man has his own free will to believe in what he wishes to, grappling with concepts that run contrary to what CPU stands for and has been teaching us is a key for freeing our minds from wrong worldviews and erroneous opinions. And now, like eaglets left by their mother to try their wings on their own, we are to be left alone, trying out our wisdom away from our comfort zone. And the knowledge that dear Central has equipped us has lengthened our wingspan to reach the corners of the world. So where shall we go? The question really is, to whom shall we go? Like the followers of Jesus who deserted Him when He challenged their obedience to his difficult teaching, are we also going to fall away when circumstances challenge our godly convictions and principles? Matthew Henry, the famous Bible commentator, writes that in John 6: 67, it was at the choice of the disciples whether to stay by Jesus or not, but it was at their peril if they leave. Likewise, should we desert the Christian principles impressed upon us during our stay at Central, it is at our own peril.

Fellow graduates, our college graduation today is an occasion of celebrating God’s faithfulness in our lives. This faithfulness, which has brought us far from what we were four or more years ago, necessitates a commitment to Jesus Christ. God is not a faucet which we only open when we need Him in times of sorrow and trials, and twist to close when we experience prosperity and abundance. Neither is God a trader to whom we can ask from what we want, in exchange for the fickle promises we humans make.

This commitment is not a commitment to another lifestyle, or a promise to follow a set of rules or an oath to carry out religious activities. Fellow graduates, this commitment we should make is to a person, the Lord Jesus Christ. Let us commit ourselves, our whole being, our lives, our plans, the totality of what we were, who we are, and what we will become to Him.

Rephrasing the writings of Matthew Henry on John 6: 68-69, I ask you, “To whom shall we go? Shall we seek the favor of the world? It will certainly deceive us. Shall we return to sin? It will certainly destroy us. Shall we leave the Jesus, fountain of living waters for the world of empty promises, broken cisterns or dry rivers?” Dear fellow graduates, let us resolve to continue our pursuit of life, excellence and happiness with Christ as our guide. Matthew Henry continues, “If ever we find the way to happiness, it must be in following the Lord.”

As we advance into this unfeeling and cruel world, let us remember our commitment to follow and to obey Christ Jesus, Him who holds the words of eternal life, because it is only in following Jesus Christ that we could find the source of eternal joy.

The good Lord bless us all.

around this time of the year last year, i suddenly woke up one morning realizing that one day, i would leave my undergraduate life and the school i spent practically two-thirds of my life.

around this time last week, i was biting my nails in the agony of anticipating the posting of the honor roll.

around this time just 3 days ago, i couldn’t feel my toes. the fact that God blessed me with a spot on the honor roll as cum laude and the much-coveted alton bigelow memorial award made me feel like i was floating, so that i couldn’t respond properly to the well-wishers and the congratulations…

what can i say? i feel as if words have failed me these past few days.

what can i say? i couldn’t thank the Lord enough for these blessings.

what can i say? i have so much to say yet so little time to organize all these in a medium that lacks descriptions for what i feel.

i remember the lyrics of a cantata song performed at church: if the world was made of parchment and the seas were ink and each man was a scribe by trade, we could start and never stop writing about God’s love and goodness.

indeed his grace is so amazing.when i look back and remember the tears that now stain my study table, and the emotions that were at their all-time low during my four years in college, i remember the God who brought me through them.

i would like to say thank you for the people who i have encountered through my 14-year stay at CPU, remembering that God never puts a person in my way that He doesn’t want me to meet.

to my teachers in elementary and high school, i may not have been the best student you taught, but i certainly have benefitted much from what you have taught me.

to my high school teachers, ma’ams and sirs, thank you…my golden years in extra-curricular activities were spent with you.

to my college teachers, especially those from the department of accountancy, thank you for igniting in me a passion for excellence in my chosen career.

to my classmates sang high school: now you know why i can’t hang out with you more often. just like someone "crazy" said, "when you study, study hard; but when you party, party hard…" . but i really can’t party now…in just a little over 6 months later, i can.hehe.

to my classmates sang college, it was fun learning accounting with you.see you in the next 6 months, and i hope we just encourage each other to pursue excellence especially magreview. won’t forget the laughs…and the noise…teehee!

to my cvcf friends, nong boy2, ng els, ng japon, ate ging, chela, ng jp, nyza, miss ko na kamo! life gets even more difficult without fellowship…now i understand why joining in the family of believers is important..

to the people of Jaro Evangelical Church, thank you for your support sang pag-apply ko sa Alton Bigelow. kitakits sa april for vcs and sunday school, which i had missed doing so much. =)

to my Lord and Savior Jesus Christ: when i walk up stage on March 28 to claim two medals for our honors and awards, and when i get to the lectern to deliver my speech on the morning of  March 30, and when i march down the aisle of the covered gymnasium in the afternoon to get my diploma, all of these are for you and you alone.  not to me Lord, not to me, but to You!

to some, He has given the gift of being in the limelight. to me, i am content of being in the shadows. i am not the performer, i am not the star, i am not the show pony. in fact, i have nothing to be proud of actually. the only thing i should be able to boast about is the grace of my God.and when He has gives me the opportunity to display His strength through my weakness, all praise be given to Him!

***
how i long to submerge myself again in Him, but opportunities to rekindle the roaring fire i once had come too far apart for me. everytime i hear His voice, it always goes back to a focal point: my underutilized freedom in Him. freedom in Him has become a foregin ground to me. i do not feel free to do the things i know i should do and the things i want to do, but the things i do are the things i do not want to do…talk about being closely familiar with the apostle paul’s struggle.

***
I have felt incomplete lately…maybe He uses my loneliness to come back to Him. He, after all, is my first love. i do know though, that what longings and silent sighs i have now are not to be released in this point of my life. i am a bit fearful about the future and what if’s scare me. what if there isn’t someone…*sigh*…some things are better left prayed about and not said. but in this point in my life,i am a student, and a good student i am determined to be.

as of now, i think He wants me to be lost in His deep, wide and all-encompassing love and grace, which are more than enough for the long, arduous and perilous journey i am taking.

i have never been in a place with so many certified public accountants around.neither have i been paid three hundred pesos a day to meet these people.talk about meeting nenita deano mejorada who wrote our cost accounting reference book. or handling the registration papers of susan valix, the wife of conrado valix who is the author of financial accounting 1.or seeing in the flesh the chairman of the board of accountancy. (ok, i didn’t really see him, but i got to sit on the swivel chair he sat on.haha!=)

the 61st annual national conference of the philippine institute of accountants was a big breather for me.it’s not the pay or the free meals, but these were part of it.i’m not superstitious, but i hoped being there would help me be one of them in the near future…i hope to be one of them after just one take.

behind the "reklamo" of having an disorderly system, the long work hours, little sleep and the early call time for three consecutive days, there was inspiration. a seeming chore to help out with the registration turned out to be a morale-booster because in one week’s time, I will be facing the last and the biggest battle yet of my college life. having to pack 24 units each in the last 2 semesters of next school year is something i have been both waiting for in a long time, and hoping to evade because of the feeling of inadequacy.

I believe God has given me this opportunity to learn at the anc.it had been both tiring and fulfilling; strenuous and exciting. to meet cpas from all over the country had inspired me to believe that with God’s grace, i can be a cpa like each of them.

several days before i knew about the anc, i woke up with this thought: "i will be graduating from my accountancy degree this school year. God had never failed on His promises." before entering college, i struck a deal with God. If it was His will for me to become a cpa, i should be retained in the accountancy program of my school by following the very stiff retention requirements.i will be enrolling myself as an undegraduate for the last time monday next week. indeed, "…in our weaknesses, His strength has been made perfect…" He has never failed! His promises have never wavered!praise God!=)

kapoy gid magpracticum…and what even makes it that is when you get the feeling that you’ll have far less more than what you had when you started…but then again, it’s the grade that counts, and not the perks on the job.

read through the lines of this translucently-worded grumble, and ask me how i’m doing lately, and you’ll get what i mean.

And can it be that I should gain

An int’rest in the Savior’s blood?

Died He for me who caused His pain

I was awed when we sang this song during one praise&worship session nung KC…raised an Evangelical, i was inspired to see my KCmates openly expressing their praise by raising their hands, closing their eyes and swaying to the rhythm of the "old school" hymn. nabless ako kasi i don’t get to see that very often.

(word to the Gencrossers: miss you all! i’m a senti person,kaya hindi siguro mawawala na maging a little teary-eyed ako when the first week of April rolls around…medyo nadelay lang ang pagrereminisce ko kasi nagstart ako kaagad ng practicum namin on April 2…*sigh*)

another thing I treasure is the message of the hymn. it reads like something out of a modern translation of Geoffrey Chaucer’s Canterbury Tales, but the placement of the words are such that these have kindled an amazement of the almost incomprehensible love of God, that He should send His Son to suffer for my sins…our sins. i say that the love of God is almost incomprehensible, but what the my human mind can comprehend is the fact that "while we were still sinners, Christ died for us".

….Amazing Love!

How can it be?

…that Thou my God shouldst die for me!

the finals are finished.but i’m still up to my neck in work. huh…kapoy…i just won’t let the stress get me.that’s what retains the enjoyment in doing it. because whatever i have to do, i should do it as the best i can…because it’s what God says. because it’s practical to do it right the first time (which is actually a principle of total quality management. hehe)

ok enough already.have to get back to work.must resist temptation of procrastination…