This is my world.-Charis

yesterday was… well, just like any other day imaginable. what happened yesterday? hmmm… our neighbor’s stupid dog killed one of my favorite puppies, which was barely five months old…asshole! (the dog, not the neighbor).

what else? i crammed for a test in advance accounting, and am expecting to get satisfactory results.this was a first year lesson, for goodness sake! i didn’t study it very well, but i got the gist of the lesson on partnership formation, operations, dissolution and liquidation. and with the help of my "pirated" CPA board exams reviewer, i managed to answer all the short problems with half of the confidence i should have if i had studied better…

i did sit down to a delicious, uneventful and solitary dinner of my mother’s pancit and 2 and a half pieces of Binondo hopia (a family favorite). a pack contains 5 pieces of hopia,and since it was my birthday, i got half of the pack.hehe.

other than those, i also had a smattering of greeters and greetings for my ninteenth birthday. i have this feeling of anticipation every time my birthday rolls around, and i attibute it on the frivolous kiddie parties my mother used to throw for me when we were still living in bahrain.

i knew my 19th birthday wasn’t even on the list of my better days, and i really didn’t expect it to go so well…i tried to keep quiet about it at school, considering that only the class secretary (who keeps the records of birthdays) remembered. only a few remembered. only chela remembered my birthday among the people sa cvcf. i intend to keep it that way, and i told my few greeters that we would celebrate in "lump-sum" when i pass the CPA board exams. my dad promised me there would be lechon from our would-be thriving hog raising business.hehe.

i’ve noticed that those who remember either saw my friendster account, or really remembered and bothered to greet me. thank you gid!to those who forgot, i forgive you.hehehe.and to those who intentionally ignored, you’re not invited! hehehehe. joke!

but seriously, i thank God for giving me 19 years. and to think that my 18th year was one of the chaotic years of my life. i doubted, was discouraged, got "heartbroken" (which is way big overstatement for "pained"…heartwounds heal through sublimation right?), felt stupid in class a couple of times, screamed when i passed the qualifying exam, travelled a lot, shunned society in favor of my studies, quit being the execom of cvcf (in turn almost terminating the only source of Christian fellowship i had).

i am still
feeling aloof
feeling melancholic and pathetic in some of my subjects
fighting the feeling,
having irregularr quiet times,
correcting my priorities,
avoiding having pathetic crushes,
seeing others have romantic relationships and disapprove of what i see (oh puhleeze! don’t get me started!*ew! self-righteous!* "lovers look with their eyes on each other, friends look ahead." i believe that there is more to life than dating. sorry ha, this is my blog. don’t you dare tell me what i can’t say. *rebellious streak showing*)

having fun being single,
having fun waiting,
studying hard,
concentrating on my studies,
wanting to redeem my parents difficulty of raising me,
wishing and working and praying and stuggling to be a CPA
living my live to the fullest in the abundance that God has given me (i’m not living it out as abundant as i think, anyway)

i had this interesting quiet time passage last saturday, and it comforted me a lot. i reflected that  God will really not stop correcting me until my "righteousness shines out like the dawn and salvation like a blazing torch(Isaiah 62:1-2)" and that His delight will be in me (Isaiah 62:4 Hephzibah-my delight is in her)

i really thank God for grace. i needed every ounce of it, but i didn’t deserve it, and i can’t place my thankfulness in words.

who can clothe the Savior’s grace in words?

so i’m still
wishing and praying to become the person God wants me to be…